blessings from above; consummate your love.
all original photography credit to Lung Liu, https://www.lungliu.com/
We arrived to Bowen Island, BC on Thursday August 8, 2024. Giving ourselves two days of prep meant no one was rushed, a ferry or two could afford to be missed- we could have fun. We enjoyed the journey, took in the view. We put our hands up on the ride. We whistled while we worked. We had time for photo ops and good talks.
To see the fruits of the administrative labour come into physical reality- I was glowing from the inside. The authority of having the most important people in our lives, from various chapters, burners and bloodlines- asking us how they could help, taking creative initiative & risks that paid off- I didn’t expect such a deep serenity. I truly expected to be on the verge of tears and panic. Lucky for me, I got those phases out of the way early, say, in February. They were behind us!
Thursday and Friday, save for two minor freak outs (and when you misplace the rings, you are allowed to freak out) we were walking on a cloud. We were ready; all phases had led to this. So why not enjoy the final leg?
Final leg of the wedding is only the beginning of the marriage.
Constructing the lace marquee, furnishing the photo booth, assembling the Moon arch, adorning everything possible, decorating the vanity, filling the bathtub with flower pedals, hanging the memes, placing all the baby photos in their picture frames; stringing lights, building the bar, playing with table placements, tying ribbon, trying hairstyles, feeding the troops, blowing up the couches, running extension cords- the couches are deflated again- walking the dog, changing the batteries, plotting the parking, hanging the signs, establishing the Welcome table, giving roles, roll calls, dinner schematics, fresh flower distribution- the air conditioner needs attention- rehearsing, running it again, trouble shooting, filling bubble machines, more signs, more dishes, is this rented or did we bring it? we need to eat again, where does this go again? Who has the scissors, pass the hot glue, this goes here and who needs a drink?
This village effort- this continuing serenity- we are blessed, we are held in this magic of community and group effort. Deep breath.
We borrowed a friends TV/VCR combo, and thrifted several wedding classics. On Friday after rehearsal, I popped in “Runaway Bride” (a terrible movie, by the way- almost sorry I watched and ruined the nostalgia) and sat nice and close and watched it. I watched like a kid watching Recess on Saturday morning, way too close and far too loud.
All I had been saying, in the 4 days leading up in the heat of the preparation, was, ‘Can we just watch a movie?’
It was a comforting thought, even though I knew it was impossible. Until it was possible. Until most things were done- so there was time.
Saturday morning arrives, as it usually does. We woke up, it was 7am.
To go downstairs and the coffee pot already be full was delightful.
Before getting out of bed, I reminded him, my fiance, my fantasy come true- that he wasn’t allowed to be there or see me. Where am I supposed to go, he mumbled while he kissed my arms up and down without opening his eyes. I kissed him on the cheek and took a deep breath in and tried to be present.
I poured coffee and sat down, to transfer my electronic Thank You’s into my Vow notebook. Stay classy.
I grabbed the marriage license because there were portions yet to be filled out; I made mom do it because I never spell Steiginga correctly or stay in the lines.
I went out to the meadow and immediately started noticing tasks that needed completing or bin piles that needed hiding or general doing that needed doing; I went into work mode and forgot that my job, our job, that day was just to get married.
I asked about about my piano pieces (oh yeah, I had lost my piano pedal and power cord) and found out that my friend grabbed the bag thinking it was hers and all was found. And all was okay.
He suggested a walk- we grabbed Luna and headed down to Smith road, and tried to find the lake. We took the long way there , only got lost once, and made our way back. We were advised by other couples to take as many ‘just us’ moments as we could. Excellent advice.
When we returned, we had pancakes, thanks dad, and gathered everyone together to say thank you, and I officially and publicly gave the reigns to B. I would disappear into my castle and prepare my heart for this day.
It was a lie, I bossed people around for about 20 more minutes until I actually retreated into my room and put on the Wedding Singer just to get out of my head.
Deep, deep breaths (come on, come on- another one).
I slowly told the family, thru text and talking, that I wanted everyone gathered in my room just to hang out. The champagne arrived, but the wine started to make me flushed. So J made me a margarita.
I decided to stick with french braids, we toyed with running them with ribbon or string- everything felt tacky- K saved the day with a gold chain that I wore like a viking crown. Delicate, subtle. We found the look.
K did my make up. Perfectly. Delicate, subtle.
I put on my dress, J re-deoderized me. I put on the Reprise from Rent on the speaker and without planning or asking, we all lined up in a row and remembered our parts from 10 years ago, when this musical scored our summers and get togethers.
There’s only us, there’s only this, forget regret or life is yours to miss, no other road, no other way, no day but today. I can’t control my destiny, I trust my soul, the only goal is just to be.
No day but today; without you, the birds sing, the children play, but I die without you.
I die without you, no day but today.
If I would have asked them to do this, in advance, it would have been hard-no’s all around. We’re better in the moment. It was the perfect way to channel and harness my nerves- I did not expect to get nervous.
I got really, really nervous. But my feet were scalding hot.
I forgot to comment on my dads suit. Mom said later that he was waiting for me to say something; he denies waiting for anything. I’ll be real, I noticed far little but the time and my heart rate. Fast, very fast- on both accounts.
We walked downstairs; M has decided the earth will swallow her up if she doesn’t put shoes on even tho we all agreed to go barefoot. She gets shoes on, J promises her a consequence — and they all proceed me.
I hear my song come on ; chorus 1, cue the girls. I hear laughter; I learn later they dump the flowers on their heads at the coaxing of their parents. Very cool.
I wait for verse 2, chorus 2. The bridge begins and I tell dad, slowly. Let’s walk slowly.
Only to then start dragging him down the aisle, I thought you wanted to go slowly? he mutters, and I laugh. Look up, I think. I don’t.
He see’s me.
I forgot about it all being real. Everything up until then felt like a dress rehearsal for a show that wasn’t actually going to air. I tried to take it in, I took a deep breath, I tried looking at people in the eye but couldn’t. I took it in. It was surreal, it was beautiful, it was all happening.
I hug dad, he hugs dad, dad steps on my dress, we all yell DAD!
The ceremony wasn’t recorded; I think thats okay. The songs were sang, the vows delivered, the rings exchanged.
In a very ordinary moment made holy, we became united in marriage; in prosperity and poverty, flying high and deep lows- until the end of the show & the credits roll.
It just felt like another breath. and a step in the best direction, further clarity that he, him, us, is amongst the best decisions I’ve ever made.
And that’s all marriage will be, one breath after another. Conflict management, showing up, keep laughing. Romanticize as much as you want as long as you show up, be humble, sit down. Learn to listen, don’t criticize your spouses choices- you are one of them.
The ceremony blurred by, we were herded towards the last old growth tree left on Bowen Island for the formal photos.
We returned and I sang my husband the song that I wrote for him, for us, a love song to score our story so far.
deep, deep breath. i could never catch my, deep deep breath. always toying with such big ideas in my deep, deep head.
deep regret. couldn’t turn you into , deep regret. there was something about you I had never met
as i slowly admitted that I was falling in love with a man who would always smile, with the brilliance of a little child, baby you shine: and now we’re taking
deep deep breath, cmon cmon another one, big big steps today cause you’re the one take
deep deep breaths with me, in and out and out, in and out
we got both feet in now
in and out in and out, both feet, stay deep (big steps with both feet)
you saw the Me that got burried so deep, trust has always been tricky but you make everything easier
you saw thru my rough and tough exterior, ego, complex superior, it didn’t scare you off, you laughed at me and talked me thru a
deep deep breath (k, I’m a bit dramatic)
big big step towards you know who you married
and ill carry you too, baby, whatever you need, just put your head on my lap as i scratch your back and we breathe.
i dunno what happens next, all i know
its you and me until the end of the show
i dunno what happens next, all i know
its you and me until the credits roll ( you thought I was done, no)
we are just as strong as the weakest link, you make me as full as the kitchen sink, and WIARDA’s a name I cannot give up, but I’m yours, baby boy, and there is love here
i love you and there is love here (he said it first)
I’m your woman, I’ll make myself easy, I’m your woman, I’ll tie my shoes up real tight, I’m your woman, I’ll keep myself easy, I’m your woman, walk by your literal side
I’m your woman, I’ll make myself easy, I’m your woman, I’m gonna sit up real tall, I’m your woman, I’ll kee myself easy, I’m your woman, luckiest lady of all
just as strong as the weakest link, you keep me as full as the kitchen sink, WIARDA’s a name I cannot give up, but i’m yours baby boy and there is love here.
There was live music, a plethora of sensational performances, eviscerating speeches and humbling testimonies.
This was a speech from my dear family friend/third sister that she didn’t get a chance to say on the day of.
The 12 unique quilted tablecloths, personalized bottle wine- thank you Darryl’s mom!
It was an absolute fairytale. It was the fruition of a year of tedious planning, learning the secret features and functions of Excel, lists of lists of lists- it all paid off. Paid off is putting it lightly- this wedding grew wings and flew itself in a glorious performance — it all seemed effortless. This is the result of many many hands making work light, fun and easy.
I’m told I was poised- I was told I was moving with grace, power and femininity. And I felt this- I felt all my panic attacks were behind me- there were none left in the script, no meltdowns remaining in the cards.
All that remained to do was connect the dots. The dots had been perfectly placed and communicated.
I am truly proud of what we pulled off; it gives me pause. It brings me peace. What a fitting and fantastic beginning to our marriage, to the next chapter. To one day at a time.
And then, we danced.
and danced
and danced.
and enjoyed the amenities we had constructed, basked in the love we confessed and enjoyed the afterglow of the commitment we had made.
A blessing for marriage, as written by John O Donahue and spoken over us by J.
As spring unfolds the dream of the earth,
May you bring each other’s hearts to birth.As the ocean finds calm in view of land,
May you love the gaze of each other’s mind.As the wind arises free and wild,
May nothing negative control your lives.As kindly as moonlight might search the dark,
So gentle may you be when light grows scarce.As surprised as the silence that music opens,
May your words for each other be touched with reverence.As warmly as the air draws in the light,
May you welcome each other’s every gift.As elegant as dream absorbing the night,
May sleep find you clear of anger and hurt.As twilight harvests all the day’s colour,
May love bring you home to each other.
